Rating the places in Wrigleyville based on how evil the aura is
I am a neighborhood survivor.
Bravely, I am a resident of the northern part of Lakeview, otherwise known as Wrigleyville. Even though I am not a Cubs fan, I have made this neighborhood my home for many years. It started before I moved in, but this little area of the city has gone through an incredible vibe change recently, and by “incredible” I don’t exactly mean “good.” It’s not even about the fans who come through every day (even though they are annoying and terrible at parking)—it’s about the real estate. At least two Irish pubs nearby have been boarded up and closed for years, while a new corporate-core chain from Tennessee keeps popping up every couple of months. Something is happening and I don’t like it. But with the new, we still have some of the old. Some good and some…
The Cubby Bear
On a street that is full of ever-changing private equity-backed trash, The Cubby Bear is one of the last remaining gems of northern Lakeview, reminding us of what the area used to be. It is an iconic small music venue that has been a staple in the area for decades. My older cousin’s bands used to play there all the time. I remember when I saw the Foo Fighters at Riot Fest a couple years ago, Dave Grohl said that The Cubby Bear was his first concert he went to see, and then played there himself. I’m pretty sure local icons Fall Out Boy probably performed there too. Most importantly, my friend’s band had a show there a while back and I had a good time. They do salsa nights on Sundays. Don’t ever change!
Aura rating: pure, too good for this world
Moe’s Cantina
Have you ever heard anyone say that they had a good and wholesome night at Moe’s Cantina? Absolutely not.
Aura rating: evil but nothing special
Tin Roof
If there are no haters of Tin Roof on this earth then I am dead. It opened up like a year or two ago and every time I walk by it, I see a cover band playing some Jimmy Eat World or some shit while there’s a crowd of 20 year olds on the dance floor (not dancing by the way) looking like they’re some Craigslist day actors filming a b-roll titled party.mp4 for Degrassi in 2010. On the weekends, there’s usually a line out the door. “But there’s live music!” the transplants screech in unison, holding a High Noon. They love this new evil miniature Nashville the Ricketts have been brewing up. They’ll never go to Carol’s because Uptown is too “unsafe” for them.
Aura rating: corporate hell
Crumbl Cookies
There’s a Crumbl in every major city, but each one is born without a soul. The cousins who made this company don’t have any experience in baking, not really. They just went to business school (grades TBD). I know someone who knows someone who is building their own chocolate chip cookie business. These people don’t love cookies—they just know that other people love cookies and will give them money. There’s no heart in these.
Aura rating: half of a soul
Sluggers
After talking to many people, this is a controversial spot. Some people hate it just on principle of it being in Wrigleyville. Some people love it for nefarious reasons. I will say this: on a weeknight when the Cubs are not in town, the batting cages are basically open for use all night. You can also win prizes with the arcade games. On the weekend, they have dueling pianos and the performers are good. The DJ on the dance floor plays great music, even though the young people on the dance floor don’t dance (really, what’s up with that!). Is an Old Style $8? That’s theft, sure. But other than that, you can have a great night out at Sluggers.
Aura rating: chaotic neutral
Old Crow
Have never been inside but from the outside looking in, I have no idea where the hype comes from.
Aura rating: Chicago Cubs stadium food
Stolen Saddle
On the topic of Evil Mini Nashville, Deuces has gone through yet another rebrand. I’ve lived here for four years and they’ve gone through three different names (not including the holiday pop-up bars). When they changed to Bamboo Club I was like, sure that’s fine. It makes sense, they like to make fishbowl-style drinks and have a little water feature in the middle of the outdoor area. That’s tropical enough for me! But then recently, I saw that they were turning it into another country bar. Blasting country music with some rusty car decor, saddle bar stools that have gotta just tear up a labia, and a mechanical bull. I see your game, Wrigley. And I HATE it. I know we’re in the bad timeline now.
Aura rating: Ronald Reagan
Hacienda D’Suarez
I have only been in this venue for a total of two minutes but the vibes were so overwhelmingly bad that we left immediately. There is a lot of smoke, source unclear.
Aura rating: bad
Murphy’s/Bernie’s
Yes, these are two separate places on two separate sides of the field, but I feel like they serve the same purpose: giving a place for large groups to congregate for a beer before heading out to the game (or in reverse, having a place for a quick bev after the game is done). They are both very much an old sports bar. They’re fine.
Aura rating: living room
The Rabbit Hole
I’ve only been for open mics, but the bartender is very nice. Card only.
Aura rating: connect four
G-Man Tavern
One of the only GOOD places left in this part of town.
Aura rating: wood paneling
HVAC
I have been informed through TikTok that this venue plays very good music to dance to. I have never been. Why did I write something with such strong opinions when I’ve never actually been inside half of these? Does walking by count as enough? Is having my zip code sufficient? Am I a hack and a fraud?
Aura rating: pass
Dimo’s
Out of the other Dimo’s in the city, the Wrigleyville location is the worst one—but, it did pretty much exclusively feed me while my friend’s brother was working there and my mom was dying.
Aura rating: ricotta pepperoni
Nola Bar
The bar is fine, but the owner decided to get rid of his hair salon (yes, that’s correct) to expand the bar business and that’s where I was getting my haircut so now I have to go all the way to Evanston to get even a bang trim.
Aura rating: neon
The Dugout
I’ve only been here once on an away day at like midnight, but the vibes were so incredibly weird that one of the people I was with was upside-down twerking when I got back from the bathroom. It looks and feels like the back porch of a fraternity house. I think they also sell Jell-O shots, which is never a good sign.
Aura rating: “Mom? Can you come pick me up?”
This week Dr. Coke is doing the Wednesday show at Finley Dunnes at 8pm (free as always)!
Then on Friday, Anti-Virgin Club has the May show. This time in the big theater at Annoyance, 8pm. Get tickets here.
And next week, Thursday the 22nd, our second show for Clock that Tea will be happening at 8pm in the Uptown Taproom. Get tickets to hear some of the juiciest and funniest gossip in town!