Congratulations everyone! We made it through the Zodiac once again now that the sun is in Pisces. Even more exciting for all you Pisces out there, we have an extra day of you thanks to the leap year. As the end of the winter season and the astrological calendar, this season is all about reflecting on what you accomplished in the previous twelve months and planning for goals ahead. This is the perfect time to get swept away in a book, watch too many movies, or embrace the true existential dread that is within all of us and let out a few tears. You may even get in touch with the ghost of one of your ancestors that could be real or just a hallucination from your very bad brain. The possibilities are endless!
Aries
You will attend (or host if you’re feeling spicy) an absolutely wild party. It will be the party of the year, and we’re not even done with Q1 yet. Obviously, you will have such a great time that you barely remember what happened when you wake up the next morning, on a couch surrounded by people you may or may not know but who probably feel as hungover as you are. You open your phone to see a bunch of concerning text messages. Something happened last night and you must now retrace your steps to figure out what happened or your best friend might be missing forever.
Taurus
At work, some people’s desks have been shifted around and now you’re stuck sitting by someone you don’t like. They don’t know that you don’t like them, and you have to try extra hard to make sure that they never know the truth. Word got around that this person is responsible for spreading rumors about three people who recently got fired. You don’t want to get fired because that sucks and also the job market is terrible right now. It is now your sole job—besides your actual job work, which is honestly less important—to befriend this workplace monster. For your job to be truly safe, they have to trust and love you with their whole life, enough for you to be in their wedding party in three to five years. Good luck.
Gemini
Someone is wishing for your downfall, and you know who it is. To overcome this, you must slay harder than you’ve ever slayed. If someone recently broke up with you, you need to find a rebound hotter than your ex pronto. If your sibling did you wrong, you need to convince your parents to write them out of the will. If someone at work got a promotion, you need to get a better promotion, or even better get them fired. If you fail to be better than those who have recently wronged you, you will be cursed with always getting puddle water into your shoes—even if you think you avoided stepping into a puddle.
Cancer
As a fellow water sign, you will feel drawn to large bodies of water this Pisces season. You will go to your favorite place to look at water and waves and stare into its deep blue while in deep thought. It feels like mere minutes but hours pass as you look at the water moving around and moving around. As if in an attempt to break the trance-like state, you hear a cough and an, “Excuse me.” You look down into the water and you find an absolutely massive fish that seems to have arms and legs of a human person, but a fish-like everything else. He explains that he is the demigod who looks after this particular body of water and that he will offer you a single wish. You can’t trust a fish to have pure intentions, so make your wish wisely.
Leo
You will be invited by someone you don’t know too well to a party that is described very vaguely but will involve mimes in some way. This does not sound too appealing to you, as your time as an adult is very precious and a party with mimes attending sounds like a weird and bad time that you would like to avoid. Go to the party with the mimes—you won’t be disappointed. Sometimes our best nights are the ones we never wanted to participate in in the first place.
Virgo
One morning you will wake up and find a strange growth on your arm. It doesn’t hurt or anything, but you still decide to go to the doctor. The doctor then says it’s nothing that will kill you and they can remove it, but it will take a few weeks to get you into the books. It’s not the best looking arm growth (what arm growth looks good?) but you can deal. Over the next few days it gets a little bigger and a little bigger. You can’t wait for the removal date to come, it feels like you’ve always got a little ugly friend on your arm.
Libra
Your room has been a mess and it’s so bad that the powers at be up at the North Pole has dispatched the Messy Room Goblin to start taking your stuff until you get your shit together. Mr. Messy Room doesn’t play and he also gives you very short deadlines—normally he’s dispatched for young teenagers who don’t clean their rooms but don’t have a lot of commitments and can usually clean their room (and their act) in less than a day. You’re different because you’re an adult with a job and responsibilities, but the goblin man doesn’t care. You may be able to negotiate a deal before he takes all of your important tax documents you haven’t submitted yet (because of course you didn’t), but act fast because he does not give second chances.
Scorpio
Typically, you’ve kept your life private but now you’re wondering how that’s paying off. Sure, nobody knows of any of the nasty details of your life, but nobody really knows you at all—except for maybe your mom, but that doesn’t count. We live in a world where oversharing gets you popular on the internet for exactly a day, and while that doesn’t give you actual money, attention seems like the only currency we have these days. And guess what? The people love hearing about your life in particular. They are just eating it up. Just don’t share too much or you’ll lose what you got. There’s a fine line, and now that you’ve opened up the box to this world, you’ll have to learn where that line is. But you may also get a brand deal, so trauma can sometimes pay off!
Sagittarius
You’re in a bit of a rut this month, wanting to stay home and just chill. Maybe even do a complete reset if it’s gotten that bad. You’re sleeping a lot, and that’s objectively not a bad thing to do, but you are getting some weird dreams. There’s this guy who calls himself “The Ghost of March Past” and there’s another guy who calls himself “The Ghost of March Present” and then there’s another guy who calls himself “The Ghost of March Future.” They keep showing you what your life looked like around this time of year in the past, present, and future and, surprising to everyone, your life just kind of looks the same in each version. The ghosts are as confused as you are.
Capricorn
It’s a bit unexpected, but someone’s going to call you that you haven’t heard from in a while. You may have even removed their number from your phone because it’s been so long, but for some reason you decide to answer. The two of you do some catching up but then they get right down to it: they’re moving to town and need someone to help unload their moving truck. You’re a busy and practical person, so helping out a long lost acquaintance in need may seem like a waste of time. Moving sucks! But maybe this is the start of something special.
Aquarius
You have some plans you want to follow through on, but you probably need a little bit of extra cash to do them. Friendship bracelets are really in vogue right now. Make a bunch, include hidden messages in them that mean absolutely nothing, and then profit. Just remember to put these new earnings into savings or you’re going to have to figure out a new scheme next month.
Pisces
Happy birthday, Pisces! It’s your time this month, and you can cry if you want to! Sometimes birthdays are all about looking past at the year you had and go over every core memory in detail until you get tired. Other times, birthdays are about inviting your friends to go do an activity that you’re really good at to really feel like you’re shining bright. You may just be a bowling wizard this month.
The Ghost Rats are doing some shows this week! First, on Wednesday 2/21 we are opening for Crunchytown, 8:00pm at the Bughouse. Second, on Sunday 2/25 we are opening for Slapping Salmons in the Sunday Splash, 8:00pm at the iO Theater. Then on Friday 3/1 the Ghost Rats has our anniversary show celebrating a whole year of Date Night with the Rats, 10:00pm at the Bughouse!