Horoscopes for Pisces Season 2023
Things are about to get fishy
Hello fellow fish people, Pisces season has finally arrived! As the last sign in the Zodiac, Pisces season is all about finishing cycles and reflecting on what has happened and what is to come. Go on an apology tour and call your mom. Reject your human form, grow gills and a tail because it’s your time to fuck the fish guy from The Shape of Water (I’ve never seen it, all I know is that there’s a sexy fish guy and it seems like that’s something Pisces are into). Be ready to feel a feeling—it’s not a bad thing!
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You will see something that you should have never seen. They will tell you that you need to give up your current life and start somewhere completely new. This sounds like a bad thing, but is it? There’s nothing sexier than a new neighbor in town with no social media presence and secrets to hide. You will fuck your new neighbor’s wife, and will have to move again.
Something this month is going to be really hard for you and you might feel worn out, defeated, and unable to finish what you’re set out to do. Don’t worry, though! Your friends are here to help. With the power of your strong friendly bonds, you will feel strong enough to do anything.
Ever since you picked up an old doll from the vintage market, you feel like someone is watching you. That’s because the doll is possessed and is watching your every move, inside the house and also outside of the house. The doll wants to tell you something, something that will completely change your life.
It will be a regular day like any other, but you decide to take the scenic route to work instead of your usual one. You’re having a grand old time, but before long you notice that a lot of time has passed. You’re completely lost, and your cell phone doesn’t work for some reason. You’re definitely late for work, so you decide to accept it and just continue walking around, enjoying the outside. You will find yourself at a magical place where you will discover all of the knowledge you could ever want. You can leave at any time, but do you want to?
While cleaning out some neglected drawers in your desk, you find an old letter from a long lost lover. Reading the letter will bring you into a deep bout of sadness, regardless of what your current relationship status or level of happiness is these days. Instantly upon reading this note, the skies will turn cloudy and it will start to rain—giving you the perfect environment to stare longingly out the window. Once your episode of longing is over, you will instantly feel better and ready to move on.
This is the perfect time to start putting yourself out there and for a Virgo there’s no better place to promote yourself than through LinkedIn posts. It may be a little uncouth, but a paid LinkedIn ad might be your way to finding love, or at least to finding someone who will help you move your couch.
You’ve started to let things go in the past few months, and it’s starting to catch up with you. The bags under your eyes are deep purple, your skin is a little cracked, and all the garbage under your bed has joined together to form a garbage monster that is wreaking havoc on the rest of your house. You can’t let it win—you need the security deposit back.
Something is going haywire with your pheromones this month because everyone literally can’t get enough of you! Strangers are tripping as you walk by, you’ve had at least seven secret admirer letters in your mailbox these past few weeks, and you are just making out with people so, so much. You’re like one of those hot girls in one of those movies, this is your time to shine.
Find an old video recorder and get your friends to make some of the worst, cringiest home movies the world has ever seen. It is time to be free.
Now is the perfect time to let loose—literally. You wake up one morning and find your arms to be as loose as a noodle. You’ve lost your bones, and you must find them.
All you’ve ever wanted is to ride lovingly into the sunset on horseback with the person you trust the most to rob banks in the Wild West with. You’re ready to make that decision.
Happy birthday, Pisces! This month is all about you, so now is the perfect time to find a boat and sail the seven seas on your quest to find treasure and some hot sea folk. They know you’re a Pisces, so they’ll be really into it. Just remember, sometimes the real treasure is the friendships we’ve made along the way.