Horoscopes for Libra Season

Do you feel that cool autumn breeze? It's Libra time.

Do you feel that in the air? Is that the first breeze of autumn, and also the sun going into the sign of Libra? What does this mean for you? Well, this should be the time where things go into balance, since Libra’s whole thing is scales. But unfortunately for all of us Mercury is also going retrograde again on September 27. So you’re going to be the main character with a love triangle between a Hugh Grant and Colin Firth type but you’re going to be the kind of main character in a movie who is just so clumsy they get water sprayed on them by a passing car. It’s fun, it’s quirky, it’s Libra season!

Aries
There is a ghost haunting your home and you’ve had enough. It’s time to either become best friends with them or get rid of them once and for all. The thing is, this ghost is quite powerful among most spiritual beings so they are the ones who really get to decide. Be prepared for a great battle, and start looking for some new places to move.

Taurus
Nobody likes working, so stop doing it so much! Break the monotony of routine by just deciding to not show up to work tomorrow. And the next day. And the day after that. Make your coworkers worry about you. Then after you’ve spent several days living off-grid and taking care of yourself, show up back at work and pretend like nothing weird happened last week. 

Gemini
You’re feeling a little motivated this month, and now that the weather is cooling down a bit you’re finding a new passion: soup. You’ve been trying soup recipes here and there, and you’re finally getting a hang on the beautiful craft that is broth and vegetables—so much so that you want to enter a local soup competition. The competition is rough and your soup sadly does not win a prize, but you did make some great friends along the way.

Cancer
Now is not the time to leave the house. In fact, if you do leave the house something horrible will happen, such as being struck by lightning or having a giant rat steal one of your shoes off your feet. To prevent this from happening, use some of the money you’ve saved up this year and get some cozy and cute things for your home, like one of those giant bean bag chairs that cost $600.

Leo
You will be mistaken for a very high-profile celebrity this month. Even though your appearance hasn’t changed much at all, everyone will start treating you like you’re someone else—someone famous. This is your dream come true. Instead of going the route of making a career out of being an impersonator, go bigger than that. Become more famous than your famous look-alike. You’re a star, baby.

Virgo
Finances are going to be a little tricky this month. You may have gotten a little too excited about buying 3 Garfield-themed couches, since your living space can really only fit one. You’re now out several thousand dollars and you need to find a home for these extra couches, fast. Luckily for you, you’re the head of the Garfield themed couches fan Facebook group and will be able to even score a profit (these are rare and true fans won’t mind a high markup).

Libra
Happy birthday to you! This month, things are going to go well for you, obviously. So many people are in love with you right now. You’re also going to find the power within yourself to make strong choices. You will go out to dinner with someone and you will be able to confidently say where you want to go to eat. I’m so proud of you!

Scorpio
You will be bitten by a radioactive moth in the next week, thus starting your transformation into a real mothperson. It’s not as cool as the cryptid fans make it out to be, though. Before you get to your final form, you must go through a cocoon process so be prepared to stay in a dark, cramped place for a long time. When it’s finally time for you to come out, you will be so beautiful.

Sagittarius
There’s a lot of drama happening around you and it’s your job to fix it. Did your entire friend group dissolve and move away to different cities because of an argument over how to properly make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich? Possibly. It’s up to you to take a cross-country trip and get the gang back together. You may get stranded on the side of the road with a flat tire, but what is that other than a great bonding experience to have with your best pals?

Capricorn
Don’t let the Elizabeth Holmes girlboss trial get you down, you can girlboss way better than anyone else can, Capricorn! You’re going to get some big investor dollars soon, so you can finally start funding your dream: a school for cats to learn how to play the banjo. 

Aquarius 
You’re looking for an adventure, but don’t know what exactly you’re looking to do yet. Start finding the answer by putting little feelers all over town—ads on telephone poles, a giant banner flying in the sky, posts online. The right ones will come find you. It will be a group of garden gnomes that live underground and they want you to become their ruler.

Pisces
Recently, you’ve been having even more vivid dreams than you usually do. They’re so nice that sometimes you don’t want to wake up and have to live in the real world. Well, it turns out that now you don’t have to. It’s not like you’re going to go into a coma or anything, no. You actually just have the ability to move across dimensions now, so you can just decide to go somewhere else. We’ll miss you if you choose to do that, but also we probably just wouldn’t even know.