Horoscopes for Leo Season
It's getting hot in here
Feel that burning? Is that a climate crisis going on or is it just the sun just in Leo now? That’s right, the sad girl portion of summer is over and hot girl summer can officially begin! Thank the planets because I personally just got my heart broken and I feel dead inside (thank you for reading!). Fires in the summer can be devastating, but the fire coming from this zodiac sign is only going to help you make the best out of the season. This is the time for us to be the most extra versions of ourselves and really embrace all that hot girl energy. Ever wanted to be the main character of your own story? That’s going to happen right now (we hope)!
Aries
Since you’re the fire sign of fire signs, it seems like every day of the year is a good day for you. So even when you find out that your house is haunted by the ghost of a Victorian woman who died from consumption and she’s wailing so much that you can’t sleep, it’s not even that bad. The Victorian woman finds you very attractive and charming and now you have some kind of weird human/ghost romance happening. Just watch out if you bring anyone home, the Victorian woman does not do threesomes and her wrath can be quite powerful.
Taurus
While Leos thrive in the sun, this season you’re all about saying, “Fuck the sun!” The sun is quite powerful these days and your delicate constitution might not hold well against it—for now, that is. Spend time indoors to stay cool while you train for your big battle against the sun itself. You are going to physically fight the sun.
Gemini
You’re feeling a bit chatty this month, so be a bit careful as to what you say and to whom. Even though it may be illegal in the state or country that you reside in, someone might be recording everything you say while at the bar to collect evidence against you. You don’t want the world to know what you did at the office holiday party in 2018, so just be careful.
Cancer
It’s been a rough one for you, and your old tooth fairy from childhood has noticed that, too, so she will give you a little visit. You might have thought that the tooth fairy was just your mom, but no, there are fairies that are harvesting your teeth for some serious cash. She’s going to spread a little bit of the wealth to you, as a little thank you for giving up your baby mouth bones all those years ago, and also because you’re really sad and pathetic right now. Go buy something nice.
Leo
Happy birthday, bitch! It’s all about you this month so really revel in all that attention. Even if you’ve never been the main character of your own life before, this is going to be that time for you. I’m talking about falling in love with someone you walked by on the street, getting your dream job, solving a murder in your hometown, finding out that your parents have been hiding a secret from you since birth and you’re actually destined to save the world and also have two people fighting each other for your romantic affections—all of that.
Virgo
As you already know, you love helping people. Someone close to you is about to accidentally buy 50,000 fuzzy worms off of Aliexpress. You notice it but before you can mention this, a little goblin whispering in your ear that says, “Fuck ‘em. You can’t fix everything, these people need to learn to notice things themselves.” The goblin may be right. Leave the state for at least five days.
Libra
You are going to get a very flashy invitation for an exclusive celebrity party in the mail soon. You may think it’s a joke because you are just an average person, and you may have some worries about it being a scam. Just trust the process, you’ll have the time of your life.
Scorpio
It’s no secret, you are a Boss Babe if I’ve ever seen one! There is nothing and nobody that can bring you down right now. Even when you just post a random old selfie on Instagram in the next week or two, you are going to get hundreds of thousands of likes for no reason. Brands are going to hit you up to be their new spokesperson. You’ll never have to work in an office again!
Sagittarius
Traveling and experiencing new things has always been your mood, so when your hot neighbor that you’ve only met once invites you to do some witchcraft at that one beach two hours away, you really should go. It could be fun, and you might even get to meet some interesting (possibly otherworldly?) characters.
Capricorn
I know this has been haunting you for years, especially since you love being perfect, but it’s okay to accept that you called your fourth grade teacher mom. You need to let that memory go. Nobody remembers it. Get a good night’s sleep for once.
Aquarius
For you, this is the summer of love. If you’re single, this is the perfect time to confront that person you’ve been crushing on for years and ask them out. It turns out that they were also in love with you for years but were always too afraid to say anything. If you’re single, I’m sorry good for you I guess but I write these horoscopes for the lonely girls out there.
Pisces
Going out and doing some physical activity is really important for you right now. On a nice day, go out to a nearby nature park and do a little bit of hiking. You might be surprised what you could find while out in the woods with your two best friends. Maybe a body, maybe a treasure, maybe just some nice memories and a cute picture.
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Jokes on them, I wasn't at the holiday party in 2018