Horoscopes for Gemini Season 2024
Geminis just want to have fun.
Gemini season is one of controversy—do people I hate deserve to be happy? I don’t ask this question because there are many Geminis whom I personally love, and I don’t really understand all the drama surrounding the sign. It’s starting to kind of become summer up in here, so now is the perfect time to forget about boring, long-term goals and instead do things like day drinking and spending way too much money at the club. Embrace the duplicity of Gemini season by ordering both chicken fingers and mozzarella sticks as your post-bar snack. Gossip about people you don’t like (to a trusty source only). Start a little drama every once in a while. Become Gossip Girl.
Aries
Inspiration has struck, and you have found some crazy energy deep within you to write the next great American novel. Fearing you may lose your way if you have any distractions, you hole yourself up in your room for weeks, cranking out page after page. Your parents are worried about you, your friends miss you, but you—maybe for the first time—know what it’s like to feel a real artistic calling. Everyone except for two people who read your work will not understand it.
Taurus
Sometimes it’s hard to make decisions, so you decide to invest in a spinning wheel that can make those decisions for you. You may not like what it has in store for you, but at least you can be reassured that you did not actually make any of your future choices.
Gemini
Happy birthday, Gemini! This month you are feeling a surge of confidence that you’ve never felt before. You are not afraid to ask out that cute person at the bar, to ask for a raise, or to do pretty high-level parkour. This new confidence makes you believe that you are ready to finally execute one of your craziest dreams: building-to-building tightrope walking. You make posters to advertise the event and on the day, there is a sizable crowd watching you do what most think to be impossible—and you succeed!
Cancer
Take this time to do some work on your house, maybe even start that little garden you’ve always talked about having. Get a shovel and start working the land in the hot summer sun, and when you start digging a few holes your shovel hits something weird in the dirt. There’s something buried in your yard that shouldn’t be. Is it bones?
Leo
When you’re out on the town in the next couple of weeks, you will make fast friends with a group of people that started chatting you up at the bar. Once the energy at the original location starts to die down, your new best friends invite you to an after-party. Now, going to a second location may not usually be a good idea, but you’re feeling a little adventurous. They take you to a weird, industrial part of town. You all go into the basement of a warehouse, where there’s another party going on. It’s not like a regular party, though—it looks like this is like a Tupperware party but instead of plastic storage containers someone is selling illegal pet snakes.
Virgo
You’re working really hard recently—so hard that you’re a bit too frazzled and tired to notice an obvious phishing link in your work email. You click on the link and it immediately downloads a program that seems to do nothing but leave a little leprechaun dancing on half your screen. You are obviously too scared to get help to remedy this situation and start to become fond of your personal dancing virus.
Libra
When you’re walking one morning you will find a curious slip of paper on the sidewalk. You pick it up and see that these are instructions for some kind of scavenger hunt. Feeling a little adventurous, you decide to go along with it. The first few were pretty simple, but the clues and tasks get progressively more complicated. They ask you to do petty theft and convince strangers to join you on this journey. You begin to collect items that seem to have some sort of deeper meaning. There’s something big at the end of this activity.
Scorpio
You are feeling super emotional recently. Not even in a regular emotional way, this is getting out of control. Every time you see a picture of a cute puppy you just start crying. Whenever you look at your reflection in the work bathroom mirror your eyes well up with tears. Even something so simple as running out of parmesan cheese leaves you an absolute mess.
Sagittarius
Someone will propose to you this month. It will not be called for or wanted. You may have to plan an escape out of town.
Capricorn
You feel the need to do some self-improvement, so you sign up for your local gym and hire a personal trainer. The trainer seems like a regular person at first, and you find that their workout routines are killer but also make you feel like you did something after. Everything is normal until about the fourth or fifth session, where your trainer looks frazzled. They keep looking over their shoulder as if they were expecting someone to just appear behind them. Then after the session they start telling you about how they have a bunch of crates full of protein shakes that they have to sell all of by the end of the month and they are becoming very aggressive trying to convince you to buy some. You will want to cancel your gym membership after you bought three boxes out of pity, but the gym will not let you cancel.
Aquarius
One of your friends will record a video of you doing something extremely strange. With your consent they upload it to a social media app, probably TikTok. You become an overnight sensation. They love that little freaky thing you’re doing. Will you try to brush it away or really lean into your fifteen minutes of fame?
Pisces
Something has happened to your brain and now you are able to figure out the purple category in the New York Times Connections game upon first sight.
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