It is cold but the sun is present more and more every day, now staying in the sign of Aquarius for the next month. Not only is the sun in Aquarius, but Pluto has moved into the sign as well. The last time Pluto was in Aquarius, it was 1777. Look familiar to you? That’s around the time of the American and the French Revolutions. Pluto changes signs every sixteen years or so, so this might be the start of something new. Something bad. But good? Are we really going to start cannibalizing rich people? Are we going to finally do something about the Twitter and Facebook guys? Can I fight my new landlord?
Aries
While you’re in a hurry, you will cut someone off and they will get very mad at you. You don’t really care about their feelings, as this is a minor deal to you, but they’re pissed off. It’s so quiet under their breath that the chance you hear it is low, but the other person will invoke a small curse on you. Now, every day for the rest of your life, your shoelaces will always come untied. And if you try to beat the system and get Velcro or other shoes, you’ll always develop a nasty blister on your ankle.
Taurus
You will gain the ability to magically disappear out of any situation, but only if that situation is extremely uncomfortable where you have to make a decision. Sometimes, you don’t have control over this power. Be careful with this new gift.
Gemini
It’s time for you to go somewhere far, far away. While you’re at this vacation destination, someone will approach you and steal all of your personal belongings including any ID and money. Now there’s no way for you to leave. This is your home now.
Cancer
There’s a new website you want to sign up for, and, like always, there’s a Terms and Conditions page, and, like always, you accept it without looking at it for a moment. What you don’t realize is that you just signed a contract allowing this website to make an advertisement for a party clown and use your phone number as the phone contact. Every moment of every day, someone somewhere is calling you asking if you can be a clown for their kid’s birthday party.
Leo
In the mail you will receive a letter saying you won an all-inclusive vacation. You think that’s awesome, and you accept the trip because you deserve some time off. The vacation ends up being a cruise and you have a roommate on the ship. That’s disappointing in itself, but this roommate of yours is very annoying. The only thing is that you guys are on a ship for five days, and you feel like you need to be kind to your roommate so that they don’t kill you or steal your underwear or something. This is a true test of patience.
Virgo
You will find a strange tea that does not smell good at the quirky witchy store in town. The woman at the counter tells you to buy it and to drink it in the morning. Even though this stuff really does smell quite bad, you follow her instructions. You have never felt so good in your entire life as you do after drinking this smelly tea.
Libra
You’ve always been more into sports, but recently you found out that you have a knack for the arts, and that you like them and want to pursue them because it makes you happy to be a little creative. That’s all well and good, but what is your dad going to say? Can you be an athlete and an artist at the same time? Is it possible to have it all? Whose dream was sports for anyways? You, or your dad?
Scorpio
If you are planning on moving soon and get movers, the movers will mistake your truck with someone else’s truck and they will move someone else’s stuff into your new home. This is a terrible thing, except the other person’s stuff is a lot nicer than yours.
Sagittarius
Someone anonymous will nominate you for a small local office in the upcoming election this year, and you will win the position by a landslide. Because you never wanted this for yourself, it’s most likely that you will do a pretty good job at it and will become a local hero, remembered for decades. You may even get a bench in your honor.
Capricorn
You tend to check your bank account fairly frequently, and one day your balance catches you by surprise. Someone, somewhere missed a decimal point on your last paycheck and you’ve been given way more than you normally do. Try and see how long it takes for them to catch their mistake. If they don’t, then you’re rich. If they do catch it, you’re a fool to think luck was ever in your favor.
Aquarius
Happy birthday, Aquarius! While everyone is going insane staying inside from the cold, this is the perfect time to launch your newest creative project into the world. It could be spoken word poetry, it could be a collage using loose hair found around the house, it could even be a podcast. Everyone will love it and they will love you.
Pisces
Someone in your family reveals to you a secret that has been kept from you for your whole life. You actually come from a long line of magic users, and even though they have stopped using magic for a few generations now, there is a dark force that is awakening deep in the depths of the earth, summoned by your evil great uncle you never knew about. As the youngest one of the family, it is up to you to save the Earth with your magic powers, even though you have no idea how to use them.