Breaking News: There’s a new M&M in town
She’s purple—and she’s a little different!
Sure, I’ve always loved an M&M—especially the mini ones—but the controversy earlier this year about the de-sexification of Ms. Green M&M earlier this year has really made me think a lot about the entire M&M advertising universe. It’s gotten so bad that my roommate even got a Green M&M mini Statue of Liberty that we keep prominently in our home. My passion for M&Ms is not stronger than the impact of everything else going on in my life, so I was delighted when a friend texted me with the news that there’s a brand new M&M to join the colorful crew—the first one in a decade!
Meet Purple: the first female peanut M&M to join the group. She’s purple, and she’s different! Being a little quirky, that’s her whole thing. According to the Mars press release, Purple was “[d]esigned to represent acceptance and inclusivity.” She’s not afraid to be who she is, and she’s letting the world know that nobody should be afraid to be who they are either! That’s what advertising is about, baby! Self-esteem!
She’s so into being one-of-a-kind that she even has her own debut song, “I’m Just Gonna Be Me.” I listened to it and it’s not too bad for a song that’s made for a commercial (but there are better commercial songs out there for sure). The production quality is also pretty darn good, but then again—these are M&Ms we’re talking about, so they only deserve the best.
Now, as someone who has analyzed the fuckability of all the other main M&M characters, you might be wondering where I think Purple stands among the rest. And I’ll have you know I’ve thought long and hard about it and I think I’ve got Ms. Purple M&M all figured out.
Just by looking at Purple, I can get that she gives off a kind of alternative vibe. For one, she’s a peanut, which makes her not like other girls. Second, she’s wearing white M&M docs which is pretty alternative, especially when her creators work in corporate advertising.
So what’s her deal? I feel like Purple is a lesbian who may just be recently out, if not out at all yet. She’s definitely worked as an elementary school art teacher at some point—I mean who else is talking about it being okay to be different more than an elementary school art teacher. I’m also getting a sense that Purple grew up in a pretty conservative Christian household, which is where all the positivity and closeting comes from. She’s definitely stopped drinking all of the religious Kool-Aid but is still trying to be like, “You can be Christian AND progressive!” It’s only a matter of time until she ditches that and joins a polycule. She might not fuck much yet, but she will in due time.
Most importantly, she’ll always make you feel special and important, and loves to cuddle after.
Overall, Purple has a lot of potential. She can bring a sexiness into the M&M universe that Green and Brown just can’t. As I said before, she’s just a little different like that!
If you’re a reader of this newsletter, you already know that my family is going through some very difficult times right now. My mom has glioblastoma, an incurable and fast-acting form of brain cancer. The tumor has affected her entire left side of the body, making basically any living task impossible without help. Covering the costs for both her treatment and her everyday care has become extremely expensive, so if you are able to it would be amazing if you could donate to our GoFundMe. If you feel inclined, please share the link too! Anything helps.