10 Sanrio Characters That Are Better Than Cinnamoroll
Am I a sore loser or is this cinnamon roll dog a sore winner?
This is not a drill: the polls are open for the 2025 Sanrio character ranking right now. There are 90 contenders in this year’s contest and people all over the world are casting their votes as we speak. If you choose to participate, this may just be the second most important election of our life. Because there is something that I need to say. Myself and many others are saddened and disappointed by the absolute chokehold that Cinnamoroll has on the people of this Earth. Year after year after year, Cinnamoroll wins first place in the popularity ranking contest. Everywhere you go, even in the United States, you can find Cinnamoroll merch. I get it, he’s adorable.
But I’m tired of seeing Cinnamoroll win year after year and I’m ready for him to get taken down a peg or two. Cinnamoroll is the Kansas City Chiefs of the Sanrio world. Sure, he wins because he is very adorable but it’s not like there are no other characters that are good and deserving of the spot of number one. There are actually so many great characters that are cute and unique and are deserving of a chance to be number one. Cinnamoroll needs a reality check. He needs to learn that beauty and youth and popularity can only take you so far.
Kuromi
Kuromi is a super popular Sanrio character, especially among the emo kids, but I don’t think she gets enough credit. People think that she’s mean and tough, but she’s really just boy crazy. She loves good-looking guys! She likes to write in her diary and she’s recently gotten really into romance novels. She’s probably the most relatable character out of all of them!
Pekkle
You know I love a duck, and that is no different for Pekkle. This duck isn’t just a duck, he’s also got a sweater. Despite being a creature of the water, he can’t swim well but he has a swim instructor friend who is also a fish. While he can’t swim, Pekkle fucking loves dancing. He’s recently been practicing tap. Okay, musical theater king!
Kirimichan
Salmon head. Salmon head. She is a piece of salmon as a head. According to her official webpage, Kirimichan was born the moment she was sliced into a fish filet. She dreams for the day that someone eats her and appreciates how tasty she is. She wants to be consumed while all of her other friends are going to also be eaten. With dreams like that, I can assume that every day she continues to be alive is pure agony. Poor girl.
Marroncream
Marroncream was born in the suburbs of Paris, a place that I once lived in for a while. Unlike the other people who live in the Paris suburbs, she is very cheerful and optimistic, and is also good at things like crafting and baking. They note that she is a student of the Lycée School, which directly translates to the School School (they incorrectly translate it as “French School” get it together). Marroncream is who I wished I was when I was living on her turf.
Hagurumanstyle
This character is just teeth. On the website, Hagurumanstyle’s description notes that they “work hard in people’s mouths to make the world go around.” They also “support mental health as opposed to dental health,” appearing when people clench their teeth together. I went to the dentist last week and he told me that I am clenching my teeth too much and need to stop doing that if I want to keep having teeth. I’m just trying to get through the day, man!
Chococat
JUSTICE FOR CHOCOCAT! He is currently ranked number FORTY-SIX (46) out of 90 and that’s a damn shame. I swear he’s way more popular in North America, being one of the few Sanrio characters that had merch available in regular stores in the mid-2000s. How can the rest of the world be so behind? Look at his little whiskers and giant eyes. 46th place my ASS!
StrawberryKing
I am kind of obsessed with StrawberryKing. His head is gigantic and is also a gigantic strawberry. He is the king of the peaceful Strawberry Kingdom and he rules his lands with peace and friendship. He also has a magical strawberry staff that helps him fly through the sky. Why is his head so large?
Umeya Zakkaten
Oume-san is a kind old woman who runs a general store and lives with her cat Tora. She is noted to have mad skills at games like marbles and juggling. I can say with 100% confidence that this old lady has contributed more to the community in one day than Cinnamoroll could ever wish to do in his entire life.
Dump Truck Dan
Stop what you’re doing: this is a dump truck with a face and a great personality. He is described as being “gentle but strong” and is very good at making friends. Dan loves to work, which is a good thing because there’s a ton of trash he’s gotta pick up all over the city. I would not only trust Dump Truck Dan with municipal waste management—I would trust him with my life.
Pandapple
Okay, this is FUCKED UP! Pandapple right now is ranked second to LAST in the ranking. People all across the world think that he is the second worst character in Sanrio and that’s simply untrue! For full disclosure, Pandapple was MY favorite Sanrio character when I was younger. So much so I had a Pandapple alarm clock and my friend made me my own Pandapple hat. Getting his merch was always difficult, especially back in the day when we were not so connected to abundance, but I didn’t realize that people fucking hated this guy. Now that I think about it though, having the second worst character in something be the one I identify with definitely tracks with just, like, everything about my life. What the fuck did Pandapple ever do to you, huh? Not just Pandapple, what the fuck did I do to any of you?
Some honorable mentions include: Hangyodon, Cogimyun, Badtz-Maru, Gudetama, U*SA*HA*NA, Dear Daniel, Lloromannic, Patapetaminilian, Patty & Jimmy, Monkichi, Aggretsuko, Ichigoman, kashiwankomochi, Pau Pipo, Zashikibuta, Kumamilen, WE ARE DINOSAURS, and Shinkaizoku.
There’s a whole world of Sanrio, and there are so many other characters to love other than Cinnamoroll. Go on, vote, and be the voice of change.
P.S. also learned that Hello Kitty (ranked #5 in her OWN HOUSE) is as tall as five apples and as heavy as three. Her friend Pochacco is as tall as four cups of his favorite banana ice cream (unsure the measurements of his least favorite banana ice cream), and weighs as much as three giant carrots. I wonder how many apples I am tall.
On Friday, April 18th I’m part of an incredible standup showcase with a really stacked all-female lineup. Show starts at 7:30 and it’s at the Den Theater. Get your tickets here.
Also on the 18th at 9:30 at the Annoyance Theater is another monthly Anti-Virgin Club show, which I am a writer on! Get those tickets too!
Keep your eyes peeled for a new show. A couple of buds and I are doing a late-night show where people do some standup and then tell a bit of juicy gossip. First show is Thursday, 4/24 at 8:00pm in the Uptown Taproom. Tickets are only $5!
STRAWBERRY KING!!!!!!!