The BBC version of “The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe” is an incredible work of art
It was a Thursday night, right after improv class, and we were all hanging out at the bar when my friend Kate asked us what movie we would watch every time we were home sick as children. I think mine was any of the Mary Kate and Ashley movies my family ripped onto a VHS when they would play on television. Kate told us hers was the 1988 BBC adaptation of The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. After she showed us a picture of what the badgers looked like (which I will talk about more very soon) we knew it was a masterpiece that we must all experience. So, a movie night was planned.
The whole movie is available for free on YouTube and runs for almost three hours. As you know, dear reader, I am morally opposed to movies over two hours but this isn’t a blockbuster—it is a BBC adaptation of a book, and those things are long as hell. I will never forget the time when another friend of mine got a bunch of us to watch the entire six-part BBC version of Pride and Prejudice, starring Colin Firth (who looked like he was about to shit his pants every time Mr. Darcy tried to tell Elizabeth he loved her), which was a good seven hours of literally nothing happening. The BBC loves to make very true-to-the-book versions of things.
And true to the book this movie is, at least I think. I haven’t read the book in at least fifteen years so I’m only going off of what I can remember. I do remember that Peter in the Disney version was really hot to me at the time, and that’s about it. If you think that the BBC version is as uncomfortably horny as the Disney one, then I’m sorry to disappoint you but it’s very much not that kind of vibe. To be honest, James McAvoy as Mr. Tumnus and Tilda Swinton as the White Witch were bringing too much sexual energy to the screen from what I remember.
What the BBC Mr. Tumnus brought to the table was an uncomfortably hairy chest. He was the first example of some of the absolutely incredible costume design for this movie. Sure, as a fawn Mr. Tumnus is legally barred from wearing a proper shirt, and since Narnia is stuck under perpetual winter, he does need some fur to keep him warm. I don’t know what the costume people were thinking, but he has so much chest hair and it all looks like someone just took handfuls of fake fur and glued it on him in random patches. Unfortunately, that giant pile of chest hair is going to be turned into stone because that fawn committed some high treason!
Then we get to the absolute stars of the show, Mr. and Mrs. Beaver. Instead of getting actual beavers, they employ two actual human beings wearing human-sized beaver costumes. And by beaver costumes I mean barrel-shaped suits covered in fur with a little tail, rubber gloves with claws glued on, and some impressive face makeup. It’s said that these costumes were so hard to walk in that the beavers would constantly fall with no way to get up without assistance. With this movie budget, I think the beavers only got maybe $10 in total to have to go through this beaver hell.
We can’t talk about this movie without talking about the villain, the White Witch. Compared to the Tilda Swinton version, she’s very scary. Even with some nasty-ass Turkish Delight, I cannot be convinced that Edmund was ready to sell out his whole family for this very campy and scary evil witch. She also has these wolf henchmen who appear as guys in wolf suits, but then they transform into regular wolves when they’re out for a run. The animation showing this transformation looks like an Animorphs book cover in motion. It’s incredible.
The whole budget for this movie definitely went into the animatronic Aslan. Besides the beavers and wolves, all the other mythical animal creatures were cartoon animations superimposed onto the film later on. They knew they can’t do God dirty like that, so they built a whole puppet that looks very much like a real lion, only with a gigantic head. His mouth moves, but not with his words. It just opens a little bit whenever he speaks.
During the final battle, there was both so much going on but also so little. Everyone was given clothes and weapons that made it look like a bad reenactment at a renaissance faire. Peter’s shield was way too small to be effective for battle. Honestly nothing about Peter was effective. He just gets to be the Main King of Narnia because he’s the oldest boy but Susan was really the one who carried the entire operation on her back. Susan deserves more recognition, but since this is a Christian allegory, it makes sense that she gets thrown under the bus.
This isn’t BBC-specific but the main thing that fucks me up personally about this book is that these kids live full lives. Like, they’re kings and queens of Narnia until their forties, and somehow in that time forget what a lamppost is and then they get out of the wardrobe, no time has passed, and they’re kids again. Imagine being 45 years old and then turning into a nine year-old again. That would be hell. They live in hell.
All of the other books in the Chronicles of Narnia series have their own adaptations. I haven’t heard any reviews of these from anyone I know, but eventually I would like to explore these as well. This one does set a pretty high bar, though.