Taking a break? Maybe?
Due to recent life events I may be taking a break but also maybe not. It’s a mystery for all of us to figure out.
Hi everyone, as you’ve noticed my newsletters have become less frequent over the last few months or so. It’s not that I don’t want to be writing stuff and having you all read it—I’ve got a lot of ideas actually! It’s just that, as cliché as it is, caregiving is hard and I’m absolutely burnt the fuck out.
At the start of this project, I did most of my newsletter writing on the weekends at coffee shops or first thing Monday morning at my old receptionist job (where I really did not have much to do besides look busy most of the time). Once my mom got sick and I came down to the suburbs to start taking care of her, the coffee shop thing on the weekend was no longer an option. Then I switched jobs into something that actually requires something from me, so making my Monday morning personal deadlines got more difficult (but now I can pay my bills AND save a little!). Instead of doing any time management and scheduling time to work on my writing, I just let it fall to the wayside a bit. What kind of writer writes, anyways?
It’s been pretty much exactly a year now since my mom first fell and ultimately got her diagnosis of glioblastoma. This year has been incredibly hard for everyone, and I’m afraid it’s going to get a little bit harder. We’re nearing towards the end, but we’re not fully there yet. Even though we’ve still got some time, I decided to come stay living with my parents for the time being so I can be close to her if and when anything happens. It’s going to suck for many reasons: I’m sleeping on a pull-out couch that is not very comfortable, I’m missing a bunch of hangouts and shows with my friends, and of course my mom is slowly dying and that is very sad obviously.
There’s not really much else to say about grief and dying that would be useful or coherent right now (that’s what journals are for). I have no idea what witnessing someone dying feels like. What I do know is that sometimes it’s the people around us that aren’t the sick ones who make this process harder for everyone (iykyk).
Even though I’m busy with stuff at home, there is more peace now that I don’t have to travel as much. Maybe I’ll have enough time to write a little something here or there. Hopefully if I do it will have nothing to do with death and dying because that’s not fun and I also want to have a little fun while I can!
Anyways, thanks for always being here and reading my stuff even when it’s scarce. I’ll see you all when I see you.
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